Self-image through the lens of motherhood
“I cant believe how well behaved he is right now, God please let this go on till the end of this dinner !” Just as i made that little prayer in my head, my curious son flings the spoon right across the table and the wild dance of innocence and curiosity begins ! I shall not get into the details of how that spoon managed to make me the focus of everyone’s attention and concern in the restaurant that evening.
I was aware that motherhood can be difficult. However, it was beyond my imagination that matters as trivial as the quantity of milk my child consumes or the way he reacts when asked to share his toys or me choosing to work, will define my self image. The harder part is convincing myself everyday that i am not a bad mother. Sometimes i succeed , many times not . My self image seems so distorted that if i come across a picture of myself from before motherhood, i look at it wondering where did it all disappear.. the confidence, the charm, the grace , the composure … poouufff ! It now seems like I almost see myself as a different person, not particularly the one I chose to be.
Self-worth is a very crucial element in building our confidence .
Motherhood, has an uncanny knack of resting the measure of self worth on a horde of things which are uncontrollable ( or we have very limited control over ).When a child has desirable traits, such as - eats well, sleeps through the night or lets say behaves well in a restaurant, the mother and spectators feel that she might have done something right.
On the contrary, when the child (expected to act like an adult) does not do what is considered a favorable trait, the mother knowingly or unknowingly critically judges herself almost every time, which has a direct impact on her self image . Studies indicate a disturbing decline in self-esteem of women during pregnancy and a continuous decline 6-months postpartum.
When parents feel good about themselves, they are much better able to extend this positive sense of self to their children. They can engage in activities, relate to, and offer their children support from a place of confidence and ease.
The more attuned we are to ourselves, the more confident we are, the better able we are to react sensitively to our children. The healthier we are emotionally, the less likely we are to project our own negative experiences and self-critical thoughts onto our kids.